PKA
I am touched as i read the current issues in PKA newsletter.(PKA stands for Persaudaraan Kristian Agape for those who dont know but curious about it). I dont know why i got such complicated feeling and everything written inside by the PKAians especially the graduating brothers and sisters speaks to my heart. I like their sharing and how God intervenes in their life. People with different personalities have different styles of writing and sharing yet all have one common thing, GOD’s love. No matter how far they relate their lives, it ends up with GOD. Everything is about Him. I couldnt say that i enjoy reading the newsletters because it stirs up my inner feeling. I couldnt explain the feeling. I didnt feel like crying, I didnt feel like laughing, I didnt feel sad, heavy-hearted…It just mess up my feeling .So I call it complicated. It creates ripples in the ocean of my heart. People use metaphor to say that one’s heart is bleeding, i would rather say that it is more like the heart is burdened with loads of hiddden pressure.
PKA means a lot for me in my 3rd year. As i recall the time during my walk with God,
During my 1st year, God is my comfort.
I was unfaithful but Gos is faithful.
During my 2nd year, God is the potter and i am the clay
He shapes and moulds me.
During my 3rd year, God is my teacher.
I exprienced unwillingness, He disciplines me for good.
I experienced the bitterness
but taste His sweetness
I experienced sufferings
but He turns them into blessings
I experienced discouragement
He encourages me
I experienced weakness
He strengthen me
For so many times i try to run away
but He never forsake me
I said :God, I cant do all these
He said: my grace is sufficient for you
In my final year to come, I hope I can say: God is my lover
Teach me how to love You so that i can love others..
During the reflection session in PKA, I wrote down the words as above as my personal reflection.
On that day itself was PKA farewell night. All my batchmates are graduating this semester. When i looked at the presentation by the 1st years’( Find Us Faithful mime"), i was brought back to the memory lane of my 1st year. It reflects the same when i was presenting the Find Us Faithful mime. Everything was so "yesterday". The memory is so fresh in my mind. I can vividly remember what the seniors wore and all the presentations they had sincerely performed.
Here’s the lyrics for the mime, Find Us Faithful.
We’re pilgrims on the journey on the narrow road
and those who’ve gone before us line the way
cheering on the faithful encouraging the weary
their lives a stirring testament
to God’s sustaining grace
surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
let us run the race not only for the prize
but as those who’ve gone before us
let us leave to those behind us
the heritage of faithfulness
passed on through godly lives
oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
may the fire of our devotion light their way
may the footprints that we leave
lead them to believe
and the lives we live
inspire them to obey
oh may all who come behind us find us faithful…
after all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
and our children sift through all we’ve left behind
may the clues they discover
and the memories they uncover
become the light that leads them
to the road we each must find…
Every time I read this, i got different observation and interpretation. 1st year’s feeling towards this mime is different from 2nd year and so with 3rd year. How about my final year?/hmm.. I am very sure it will be different from all the previous years.
PKA farewell night is just different and meaningful from other course nights. It’s is so different not because we have more fun, not because we are so glamorous in our dinner dress, not because of the appetising buffet we had, not because of the grade and status of the hotel, not the earhtly values i can say. It’s the Christ -centered fellowship that brought us together to celebrate. God made us to be relational. The bible says two are better than one. This is the significance of friends. Friends are truly a great blessing from our father in heaven. They are angels sent by God to bless us and journey on with us on the winding road. I have read this description about freinds before: Friends should be mathematical, they add the blessing, substract the burden, multiply the joy and divide the sorrow, calculate the need in your heart.This is what we call genuine fellowship in Christ. The bible in 1 Corinthians says: if one part of the body suffers, every part suffers; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
Another personal encouter. As i take the first step to commit myself as assistant cell group in PKA, in the midst of uncertainties and lots of overanticipation, i know that i keep enduring. Sometimes i have to admit that there are unwillingness to serve, fear to serve, lacking faith to serve, pressurized to serve or etc..I have to be prayerful about it. I want to serve with a willing spirit and enjoy my servanthood!!! When i have been approached to become cell group leader, i started to struggle. I felt like i was holding back something. I was influenced by the power of evil to quit yet at the same time I was convicted to serve God faithfully. Am i afraid of commitment? Am i fearing man or God? Am i doing it out of love? Am i worthy or qualified as potential leader? Am i….ar..so many questions like flaming arrows that i cant take it anymore.
BUT, i believe that God knows me better than i do. He knows my capasity. He stretched me but I am not crushed. He would not burden us beyond our ability to bear. If God want to bless, he will not add suffering to it. For the thanks giving, i thank God for what He has done for me. I thank God for all His blessings though i dont realise sometimes. I have gone through the best spiritual discipline that nourished me from the inside out. I need Him all the time, the time when i pray, the time when i eat, the time when i study, the time when i am in trouble, the time when i am happy,sad,angry,disappointed..the time when i fellowship, the time when i serve Him, the time when i am with my non believer friends and housemates, the time when i have fun, the time when i am lost, the time….wow…see, God has been part of my life! My prayer will be: remain faithful to Him, build stronger and closer relationship with Him, grow to be more Christ like, reflect His glroy, show His love to others, eliminate my hidden sins( selfish, anger…) and i want to be a sincere,obedient and faithful daughter of God!
